How to be German- Part 2: Language and Body Language

As promised, here is part zwei of my guide on how to appear German as a foreigner. Now that I've hit my fourteenth week in Germany, I feel like I've observed more than enough 'real life' Germans now to know how they act. 

Language

 If in doubt, always reply with 'ach so,' 'genau' or 'krass.'
When agreeing with something, you can't go wrong with genau. When expressing surprise or shock, use ach so or krass. All the Deutsch vocabulary you will ever need.

 Speak really quickly or mumble, depending on your gender
German women speak really, really quickly. Sometimes so quickly that I cannot understand a word. And men, just mumble and say 'junge' and 'alter' a lot. Sure fire way to convince Germans you are one of them. 

 Insert random English swear words into your sentences
Fuck is definitely the swear word of choice in Germany. I've heard a woman use it when she got caught without a ticket on the train, heard my housemates use 'what the fuck' in the middle of sentences, and I've even heard ten year olds at school using the f word. Clearly it's another case of using an English word because it sounds cool, without knowing what it really means. 

Body Language

Stare and shake hands
The only advice you need. Stare at anyone and everyone, even for no reason. Oh and when you meet or are introduced anybody, even if it's only for a few seconds. Don't even think about going in for a cheeky kiss on the cheek. At least not until you've met the person a few times. And even then, it's not particularly normal. 

Next time it's part 3: FOOD